Trane Station

Two Years Later....

2010-04-26T22:02:00.000-07:00

I've gained another daughter and the little girl I've been doting on in this blog seems to have turned into a little lady who's devastatingly far from the girl eating Noodles with her Daddy.

Where the hell has the time gone? A question I am destined to ask for years to come it would seem. Still doesn't make it any less pressing.

And when did I become that father? The one that has a ton of pictures of the first child but just "never found the time" to post anything about his second? Sad. I think its only fitting that I resurrect this thing just long enough to post some thoughts about Rio that will depress the hell out of me when she's 3.

But first, Rowan. Always the first and forever my teacher on Fatherhood and of life lived no longer just for me. She's been a good instructor over the last two years and I think the lessons have stuck. This little girl with her vast imagination and words that stretch beyond her years. And that face. That face! So much expression and openness. I wake up at night in fear that today will be the day someone teaches her to be cautious and guarded. Our first foray to pre-school had me wishing I had brought some sort of shield to block the inevitable barbs carelessly thrown from other toddlers.

Her sad face when she told me she wasn't good at basketball tore my heart in two. Who told her that? How the hell do they know? Does it matter? Not to Rowan anymore. But it sticks with me; that brush with maturity. That dreaded doorway to adulthood and peer interaction got a few feet closer. We just managed to escape unscathed. At least she did. As for me, I keep looking over my shoulder.

The classic Father posture. Looking over the shoulder wondering where the hell the time went. And when did I become that father?

Rowan Goes to Noodles

2008-08-30T15:31:00.000-07:00

Date Day

2008-08-08T21:49:00.000-07:00

Defining Moments

2008-02-22T09:08:00.000-08:00

I guess there are moments in fatherhood which really help define the parenting experience. I believe one of those happened last weekend and I thought I'd share.

Rowan had a fever last week. It didn't last long and we didn't think too much of it as it simply made her a little more huggy and sleepy. It passed the next day and we figured it was simply the effects of another couple of teeth coming in. No big deal.

Last weekend roles around and Rowan was being her usual self and running around the house, playing with toys, reading books and naming everything she can see. She comes over to me as I'm laying on the couch and asks to come up. This is nothing unusual and often results in her climbing up for two seconds before realizing that all the cool stuff is on the ground and down she goes.

This time, I lifted her up onto my chest and in the space of a second or two, she proceeds to spew the contents of her dinner onto me and the surrounding area. Rowan is shocked, scared and not sure what just happened. Jennifer immediately springs into action and gets the necessary cleaning supplies as I try my best to comfort my daughter while covered in vomit.

After the shock wears off and we get Rowan settled and into the bath, she's her normal self and joining mommy in playing with her bath toys. Meanwhile, I have to go about the task of figuring out just how you clean vomit off a couch.

This little event led me to a few conclusions:

1. All my life, I imagined that my own parents simply knew what they were doing when we threw up everywhere. It's like they had some hidden playbook and were just enacting #121-Vomit Clean-up Option Left. This playbook does NOT exist and they, like me, were simply making this crap up as they went along with equal amounts of shock and awe.

2. Being covered in your own child's vomit is simply not as disgusting as I would have imagined. However, it's the point when the adrenaline kicks out and you know your daughter is ok that it becomes TRULY disgusting. I've learned it's best to get to the cleaning as fast as you can while the adrenaline is pumping. That's probably why my parents moved so damn fast as well.

3. When vomit or any sort of extreme mess is involved, a person can move with AMAZING speed and intensity. I'm the guy who doesn't want to find the remote as it may require getting my ass off the couch. But hit me with disgusting bile and watch me sprint around the house ten times to find more paper towels. If it weren't so disgusting, I'd get puked on more often in an effort to fix that front step I've been neglecting.

4. No event more than the disgusting, no choice but to deal with it, smelly emergency moments make you feel more like a parent. It's like you have to earn your stripes and no one tells you how that will happen. You might envision a great moment where lights shine and you realize the majesty of life as a parent. But in reality it involves things that are smelly, sticky and require one or more powerful cleaning agents in order to fix whatever damage may have occurred.

And God help me when the next defining moment roles around. I'm gonna go find that plastic tarp in the garage.

Life is Good

2008-02-15T09:42:00.000-08:00

Been awhile.

Really, life has simply been too full and too busy for me to sit and write something about it. I guess I've just been too busy experiencing things to sit down and really think about all that has transpired in my life as of late.

All I know, is that at this moment in time, life is very, very good.

Happy birthday to my favorite person in the entire world, my partner and my mate. Jennifer, you are and will continue to be the brightest and most important person in my life. I'm the luckiest.

For Justin

2007-04-09T18:23:00.001-07:00

Here's a video of Rowan in her typical playing moments.

Pictures

2007-03-29T06:32:00.000-07:00

Look At That Face

2007-02-22T06:09:00.000-08:00

We took Rowan in for her sixth month check up yesterday. I realized something very cool as we sat there for an eternity and waited for the doctor to show up.

For the first time I feel like a "Dad". I own the title, I love the title and I feel it's reality and validity in my very bones. And it only happened when this little girl started to smile when I walked into the room. It's only when she started to say "dadadadada" when I held her and when she falls alseep in my arms because she knows it's safe that I really earned the title.

The name of "Dad" is given to you when your wife gets pregnant but I never felt like I deserved it. I got Father's Day presents and I didn't know how I felt about them. I read countless pages (actually there are only ten pages in the known world, but whatever) that had the words "For Fathers" on them but I never really related to the term.

But when Rowan started to recognize me as someone special, when she put me into some category of safety and comfort in her mind, then it's mine. She gave me the title and only then, at least for me, was it real.

Rowan Is 2 Months!

2006-10-18T17:38:00.000-07:00

So, it's been far too long since some pictures have gone up. Being that Rowan is officially 2 months old today, we'll celebrate by posting some shots.

Speaking of shots, Rowan got her first immunizations today. She took it like a champ and I think Daddy worried more about it than Rowan. At any rate, she's 23 inches long now and a whopping 14 lb!

Here's Rowan checking out the camera and looking...bigger.

Rowan goofing off for the camera.

How about a close up?

Rowan and Mommy at the Renn Fest.

Rowan crashed out on the swing.

Rowan and Grandpa.

Rowan with Uncle Justin and Auntie Autumn.

Rowan has learned to smile and does it often!

More to come! She's growing so fast!

Things Rowan Likes-Part I

2006-09-10T07:09:00.000-07:00

I'm sure this list will expand greatly as she grows but for now, here is a list of things that Rowan likes.

"Why?" by Annie Lennox: Not sure what's up with this one but if it works, it works. As I sit here typing this, the song "Why" has been playing on repeat for about an hour now. And my lovely daughter is completely crashed out on my chest. It's becoming one of my favorite things. Her, asleep and griping my shirt with her cute little hands. If I move her away from my heart, she just fusses and works her way back to the spot where she can hear it better. So cute.

Anyway, I had my iTunes playlist on while I was trying to get Rowan to settle down and as soon as this song came on, she was out. It's worked every time since. So now, I've got a Rowan playlist going that has everything she finds cool. Or at least anything that will allow her to relax!

Bouncing: I've found that Rowan loves to bounce. A nice gentle rhythm seems to do the trick. Sometimes it's a little bouncing that does the trick, other times it's extravagant silly bouncing. Either way, she loves it and oftentimes falls asleep mid bounce. So funny.

Curb Your Enthusiasm Theme Song: Don't ask me how this one got started. I guess we were watching an episode and when the theme song came on at the end, I started bouncing Rowan and singing along. She zonked out and it stuck.

Who knew that in the process of figuring out how to get a child to relax and settle, you'd have so many fun little discoveries? What a pure joy I never knew about.

The Many Faces of Rowan

2006-08-26T11:28:00.000-07:00

One of the most surprising things for me are the many faces that Rowan makes. Thought I'd share them with you. I could stare at this girl for hours. And I do.

Also, a couple of pictures of Rowan in her first dress. Man, my daughter is cute. She's not dating until she's 30.

Rowan Elizabeth Hilden

2006-08-23T19:15:00.000-07:00

I'm a Dad! To a beautiful baby girl born on Friday, August 18th at 7:18am. She came in at 10lb 5oz and was 21 1/2 inches long! To say that my wife is the most amazing woman in the world would be an understatement. We're back home now and we're experiencing the joys of being new parents to a wonderful little girl.

I'll have more thoughts to share on the subject of Rowan being added to our household, but I thought I'd share a few pictures with you:

Here's Rowan in a moment of peace doing what baby's do best I guess.

Rowan and Dad share a moment.

My two favorite people in the entire world.

Feeding time. Team Fremont Bib adds a nice touch!

My favorite look so far. A well fed little girl.

Dad used to do this with me when I had gas. Thought I'd try it out for myself. Thanks for the tip, Dad!

More pics and stories to come! Rowan says "Good Night!"

Expectation

2006-07-20T23:34:00.000-07:00

Just a quick post, for those still reading, that all is fine at the Hilden household. Jennifer has officially reached the point where the baby needs to come out NOW! There is only so much swelling and expansion that a woman can handle and I'm amazed that she's doing as well as she is. With that said, our baby is active and dropping. We're anxiously awaiting our new arrival and things seem to be about ready. The car seat is in the car and I believe it's been installed correctly. There's complete blue in the level device and despite my best efforts to do so, I couldn't manage to tear the seat out of the car. God bless LATCH systems.

Our nursery is ready to rock after Jennifer and her family helped put on the finishing touches. The crib seems to be stable and I used every last part with none left over. We've got diapers and onesees and a bunch of toys the poor child will never get to play with for at least a year. Most of our clothes are all washed in Dreft and I now smell like a flowery poof of...well..baby.

So all we need now is a little tot to grace us with his or her presence. And no, we still don't know what it is. Seriously, we're as excited to know as you are.

With that, I'll leave you with these pictures of our soon to be born baby's room.

The crib that managed to have me fooled for a day or two...those drop rails shouldn't be as hard to figure out as they are.

A changing table provided by a friend of ours and MJO bandmate. And the coolest gumball machine toy that Jennifer found at a garage sale. That thing is awesome!

Some of the safari decorations that Jennifer and her family put up in the room. I like the lamps best.

A new friend for our little one. Don't worry, his home is only in the crib until the real owner starts sleeping there. Then it's off to the shelf for him.

One of the first moments when it all starting hitting home was when we bought our first assortment of diapers. Seeing those in your home makes you realize that things are changing fast.

More to come and thanks for your thoughts for Jennifer and our baby!

Old Wine in New Bottles

2006-04-17T22:49:00.000-07:00

So, I'm interesting in old things done better. There's something about the concepts of revision and artistry that go hand in hand in my mind. Maybe it's my love and study of jazz that points me in that direction, but I find other things filling the niche as well. Take teaching for example. Teachers have been doing the same thing for years and years. However, you get to my generation of teachers and we seem to be all about reinventing the wheel. Tell us it's already been done and chances are you'll get an idealistic attitude and the impression that, while it might have been done, it was done a bit half assed, if you must know.

Anyway, that's a bit of a long way around the point here. And the point isn't anything big, to tell the truth. The big post is simply that I've found a new recording that has allowed a few ideas of my own to find a happy home. That the things that have been percolating up there are beginning to find brethren and it's been rather inspiring to me.

First off, is a incredible disc called Rock Swings. I heard this little gem during a set break at a gig a few months ago and had to ask who it was. After receiving the answer, picking myself up off the floor and allowing the words "No way in hell" to come out of my mouth, I began to realize the truth had, indeed, been told to me. It was Paul Anka. Paul Anka. The 60's icon himself had made a big band/orchestra album of pop tunes from the 80's and 90's. Featuring songs such as Everybody Hurts and Eyes Without a Face among many others, my mind was blown. Mostly because these arrangements are so damn good! It's like Nelson Riddle came around and decided to see what he could do with some four chord tunes that had good hooks. Damn. It's impressive and I don't want to be impressed by Paul Anka. Yet, here I am. Being taught a lesson that a good song is a good song and that a good arrangement can do anything. And that even a man who's by all rights passed his musical prime can still put new ideas out there and teach us young punks a thing or two.

In addition to Mr. Anka's offering, Chris Potter has a new CD out that does a couple of fantastic covers of Yesterday by Lennon/McCartney and Mourning Bell from Radiohead. Strange how music that is considered non jazz speaks so well and so powerfully in that context. I had to play Yesterday about 10 times just to get my fill. I suppose this should point out how truly American our art form of jazz is. How flexible and willing to embrace change it can be. Me? I'm just impressed that someone out there is taking some chances. I, for one, have thought of doing something like that for years, but never had the guts to put it out there. These guys sure have. It's nice to know that it can be done and done well. That's inspiring. Maybe I won't put that idea of a Radiohead big band set of arrangements out to pasture just yet.

So, while my world is comprised of revealing the magic of Ellington and Bach, I find myself unable to get "The Closer I Get To You" out of my head. So much so that I end up putting it into every tune in the third set at my last gig. Trouble. That's all that is. Trouble. And maybe it's better that way.

Lighthearted Friday

2006-03-31T07:53:00.000-08:00

It's been nothing but heavy handed topics on this blog as of late. So I'm changing it!! Changing it I say! Behold, a list of things that are fun and jovial and lighthearted! Behold!

Inside Man: Go see this movie. It's really very, very cool. First off, it's a Spike Lee movie I can stand. I hate so many of his movies, mostly because he calls them "joints". Shut up. Stop talking and just show me your damn movie already.
OK, so this one is cool. It has Denzel in it, and he's great. Clive Owen, while having no emotional range at all, manages to have a role that fits him perfectly. And Terrance Blanchard did a fantastic soundtrack that really gives the movie a nice vibe. It was nice to walk out of a theater and be happy that you spent your money. I highly recommend this one.

Xbox 360: So, my friends and family were overly generous this year for my birthday and bought me a 360. This thing has really taken over my life lately. With this Achievement system, everything you do in a game can earn you points that go on this GamerScore. The GamerScore gives you nothing. Not a damn thing. But it's bragging rights we're going after here, people. Bragging rights. The fact that I got the Style Racer Achievement on Project Gotham Racing 3 and no one else on my friends list has makes me the man. You heard me. The man. The stylish man. I actually celebrated with a dance when I completed it. Yeah, that's what this machine has done to me. Yeah, it really is a strange motivator for a person like me how needs lists like that to accomplish something. Now, if only other areas of my life would have an Acheivemnt list like that. Then I'd really get something done.

Check me out:

Temperatures: The temperatures in our little frozen end of the world are now reaching the 50's on a regular basis. Soon, it will reach the 60's and spring will truly be here. I can't wait for summer and the rising temps just make me happier and happier. Let's get this show on the road, eh?

Ice Age 2: I hate all computer animation that doesn't have Pixar's name attached to it. But this movie actually looks like it might be a good one. I dislike these "we have famous people as voice actors" movies, but it sounds like this one is an actual good movie. Word.

Timberwoves: While my beloved Wolves are wallowing in one of the worst seasons on record, I do get to see them for free. My amazing and talented wife is singing the National Anthem at the Wolves game on Sunday, and we get in to see the game for free. How cool is THAT? I get to hear my wife perform at the Target Center and then I get to watch the Wolves get it handed to them live. Neat-o!

Houses: Pending a little problem with some plumbing, we may actually have our very first home today! Very exciting and yet very nerve racking when you realize you know nothing about fixing a house. And our house if very old. Oh, so very old. Still, it's ours and that means a great deal. More on that later.

Okay, enough jovialness. Happy Friday everyone.

With Heartbeats and Soundwaves

2006-03-22T07:43:00.000-08:00

So, I've stayed away from this subject for about four months. I did it for a variety of reasons but mostly it was because it's taken a good four months simply to come to terms with the idea that in another four and a half months I will become a father. This baby is a product of the ever popular "Not exactly trying, but not NOT trying" philosophy of starting a family and with that comes the inevitable "We're going to have a baby now". I guess that means I didn't have the luxury of weighing the concept of fatherhood before the moment when I found out I would become a father. Of course, that's what I told myself. The reality, of course, is twofold. One, even if I had all the time in the world to contemplate becoming a dad, I would be no different than I am now. There is still the hammer of reality that hits you when you find out that the baby is less an idea and more a being that is beginning to make your wife sick on a regular basis. I don't care how ready you are, the first time you find out, it sets the world spinning at the very idea of all the changes your life will undergo.

The second fact is that I've been weighing the idea of becoming a father for the better part of the last eight years. I've always wanted to be a dad. There was never any question. Dad was simply something I knew I wanted to be and it was only a question of when. So, the past four months have simply been a process of weeding through all my new thoughts and feelings and coming right back to where I was when I started.

For the first few weeks/months of the Jennifer's pregnancy, all I got was the experience as translated through my wife. It was mostly things like being tired and nauseous all the time. The reality was all on her side with the body changes and new sensory information. As for me, I didn't really have a whole lot to go on. I felt the same and Jennifer didn't really look all that different, even thought I knew things were changing. But on our first visit to the doctor, I got to hear my child's heartbeat for the first time. That was the fist communication I got from my new son/daughter. He/She communicated to me through the beating of a heart, letting me know that everything was ok. That life was growing and thing were going well. It was my first time knowing that my child was really there; my first tangible sign.

Over the course of the next two months, the changes became dramatic. Jennifer started to look pregnant. To her, a horrible notion of getting bigger. To me, a wonderful moment of me being able to realize that my wife's body was more than hers now. It was the safe home of our new baby and her body was doing this amazing job of changing to meet that needs of the new life inside it. Jennifer is beautiful when she's pregnant. What a pure form of joy. We heard the heartbeat again, stronger and more clear than before. Jennifer felt the baby move. She describes the feeling as her being a dryer with a little load of laundry tumbling around. Our little one, communicating with mom, saying that things are ok. That life is active and that movements that will be used for the rest of it's life are being practiced.

Two days ago, we saw our baby for the first time via Ultrasound. Soundwaves bounced back to us, showing us the first images of our little one. To look at pictures is one thing, but to see it move! It's a little life, growing and playing and showing behaviors that it will carry on with when it reaches us. Our baby crosses it's legs when it rests. Will it do that when it rests at home? Does it do that because I do that all the time? My legs are always crossed when I'm resting. Did I give it that? It has a cute, upturned nose like it's mom. Will it have mom's eyes too? I had this moment of connection when I saw the baby's hand. Something about it made it so real and so precious. I'll get to hold those hands soon. I'll get to feel them curl around my finger and tap my face. I can't wait.

There again, we got to communicate to our new baby. We got to peek into it's little world and check in on how it's doing. Making sure everything is ok and is how it should be. Too bad it will never know that there was once a day where two adults looked at a monitor and sat with tears, excitement and amazement looking in on it. That we sat and rejoiced for the first time in little movements. That we laughed when we saw it's little feet for the first time and stared at each other in disbelief at this little one that was part me and part her. Too bad it will never remember that day when two people sat and loved it and wished they could have held it.

It's like we're getting a telecast from the moon. With heartbeats and soundwaves we meet child for the first time. With heartbeats and soundwaves we hear from our baby that things are ok, that it's just playing and resting and growing. With heartbeats and soundwaves we grow more and more sure that this is the greatest thing either of us have ever done. And how strange and wonderful it is that, with heartbeats and soundwaves, we fall in love with our little one who will make us a family.

Michael J. Fox

2006-03-09T11:16:00.000-08:00

So, I was scanning through iTunes today and stumbled on a few good finds. For some reason, I've gone to just ignoring everything that iTunes sends me, via email, regarding new things. Probably a habit I should start breaking if today is any indication.

First up, there are a whole bunch of short films in the Video section. I love the Pixar shorts and the Disney things, but the ones that really grabbed me where the regular international short films. There are about six of them up there and I downloaded on of the them today. I'm a big fan of foreign films, long or short. In fact, John and I went to the foreign film festival that's held here in the Twin Cities eight or so months back. Really good stuff and some very interesting perspectives on the world and cinema in general. Anyway, I checked out The Last Farm. And, although it's creepy in some of it's moments, it's a really good film and one that I'm glad I have.

I also discovered that one of my favorite shows, Inside the Actors Studio, is also available. Well, six episodes of it are anyway. The one I downloaded was the Michael J. Fox show and it was really inspirational. He's one of those nostalgic actors for me that really help define my early years. It was a very cool thing to hear about his perspective on having Parkinsons and dealing with it. He stated that he felt Parkinsons was a gift. He called it the gift that keeps on taking, but still a gift. That who he is as a person is changed due to dealing with the illness. And that the struggle has helped him appreciate what he as and what he's achieved. What a strong, healthy mindset to be in. I've felt the same way about Diabetes. Granted, not even close to being in the same category as Parkinsons, nevertheless, something to be dealt with. I've always thought that who I am as a person has been as much defined by the management of Diabetes as it has anything else. I don't think the Aaron Hilden sans Diabetes would be the same person I am today. I can safely say that I'd be less if I hadn't gone through the years of taking care of this body. That's not to say I wouldn't be willing and thrilled to lose the disease in a heartbeat if the opportunity presented itself.

So, to hear that same thought coming out of a guy like Michael J. Fox makes me happy to be alive. It makes me want to work harder and be more to those around me. It makes me want to really sit down and take stock in all that I have. I've had quite a few opportunities to do that lately, for which I'm grateful.

At any rate, I somehow think Michael Douglas wouldn't be as much of an inspiration.

30

2006-03-06T09:26:00.000-08:00

If you haven't noticed, I'm finding life has big moments in it. Moments with meaning. I've been compelled, as of late, to make sure I experience them to the fullest and to make note of those events in some small way. I guess this blog has been a great way for me to do that. Life certainly has changed and with the rapid pace of life this past year I've found it especially important to take stock in what's happening.

So, I'm 30 now. Pretty big milestone for me. The end of my twenties. The end of youth as I have known it up to this point. Sure, I'm not "old" in the senior citizen way, but I'm older. Somehow, 30 has always been this milestone in my head. I've actually looked forward to being this age for quite some time. As 30 got nearer and became more than just an abstraction, I took some time out and thought about how I felt with that big new number looming. I found I like it. I like people who are in their 30's. They seem put together, have some experience. They're at a place in their lives where they have found some success and are building to some nice new moments in their lives. They have their shit figured out a little more than folks in their 20's. At least, that's the 30 year old people I knew. I looked forward to being in that little club of folks who are a little less college and a little more adult. Whatever those words really mean, I guess.

So, here I am. The reality, of course, is that I'm feeling not that much different than I did at 28 or 29. However, my life around me has changed a great deal. And that, I think, is where the difference lies. I listed a bunch of things down there in my last entry the other night. As the last minutes of my twenties where marching away, I sat and put a list of things that I had accomplished in my life as I was twenty. It kind of felt like the thing to do. When I look at that list, I'm amazed at the changes that have happened. Many of those changes just happened within the past two years. That's some pretty big changes.

I find, now that I'm in my 30's, that I'm married, have a child on the way and a house. The Hilden of the 20's never could have imagined himself in this position. The fact that I find myself here, that I was excited by the prospect while I was making things happen, and now sit on the other side a contented man, proves the point that I'm in that little class of folks I mentioned above. The 20's version of myself was about getting my brain around the real world. Making things happen and building a version of my life that made me content and happy. Most of that revolved around making sure the creative nature that drives me would also be the thing that paid me and allowed me to live. Looking at that list below makes me thing I've done a good job of mixing the real world and the creative world together. The task that belongs to me now is how to expand that idea and make it more successful. And to begin to add in the prospect of fatherhood as well. No small task. And it's enough to have made the 20's Hilden's head explode. Glad to know I've reached a place where it's not only able to be grasped but I'm excited by the prospect of it. Hell, I was pulling Jennifer aside in Target the other day to look at baby toys and strollers. I'm moving past the excited part and moving to full on obsession with the idea of fatherhood.

More on that later. I've stayed away from this subject on purpose.

Anyway, there are a lot of thoughts. But I must say that, in that moment of saying good-bye to 20 and welcoming 30, I did it up right. Thanks entirely to the wonderful friends and family that surrounds me. Most importantly, that wonderful woman I am blessed to call my wife. It's moments like these that prove to a person that he found the right girl to spend the rest of his life with. She knew that one of the best things that could have happened on my 30th birthday was to see my brother. She knew that it would be the most perfect thing of all. So, she surprised me and made it happen. She flew my brother from LA and I had no idea it was going to happen. I was just supposed to get a call at 1:00 and go where the caller told me. What a great phone call. What a great moment. I was on cloud nine. My brother, whom I miss and love, was here to see me and celebrate this occasion with me.

How amazing is it that I have a wife like that? It just doesn't seem like you get that lucky all the time.

And we did celebrate. Friends and family from different parts of my life where on hand to celebrate. They generously helped me hang on to a little of my childhood with a ridiculously large gift of an Xbox 360. They ate with me and laughed with me and drank with me. It's nice to have a life where you are so generously loved and made to know it. After the eating, a small collection of my dearest friends and family came to our apartment and celebrated some more. It's nice to know you've surrounded yourself with great people. That they are a part of your life and make it better and more full.

And that's really the deal with turning 30. I've lived enough life to have amassed these great blessings and turning 30 allows me to stop and soak in how good God has been. How blessed I am and how wonderful life is. And it inspires me to look forward to the next ten years and all the awesome things life will hold for me then.

29

2006-03-03T21:27:00.000-08:00

I'm in the last moments of my twenties. Quite an amazing place to be, really. As I celebrate the last moments of the first decade of my true adult life, I'd like to remember some of the things I've done and the things that have happened.

-I found three true friends in a house on Fremont Ave, who have stuck with me through most of these years.

-I graduated college with much more ability than I went in.

-I started a career as a music educator and have become successful at it.

-I have developed a career where I go to work everyday with a sense of purpose and come home with a sense of accomplishment.

-I have become able to make music on my saxophone, the instrument I chose when I was in 5th grade.

-I have learned to create music on the fly with other musicians I have never met.

-I played on stage at the Dakota, the Artist Quarter and the Nostalgia.

-I have been a part of musical moments that moved me and changed me and would have been different had I not been there.

-I have learned to conduct bands and lead them to great musical performances.

-I have taught hundreds of young adults what I know of music. I have helped them walk a path that leads to creation and self expression. I get to do this every day.

-I have learned how to create a website, the graphics, the layout and the code that makes it work all without knowing anything about it going in.

-I have created a website that is visited by hundreds of people every day.

-I have learned how to make a podcast, knowing nothing going in, that hundreds of people listen to every week.

-I have learned to create comics and publish them on the web.

-I became a Timberwolves fan.

-I have learned how to use a quill pen and ink bottle to create art.

-I have learned how to drive a stick shift, something I couldn't do in before I was 20.

-I bought my first house.

-I moved my parents out of the house I grew up in. A house they had lived in for 27 years.

-I have no more grandfathers.

-I laugh. A lot.

-I took a road trip to Los Angeles with my brother, sister and law and fiancee.

-I've traveled to Los Angeles, New York and Los Vegas on business.

-Most importantly, I met the love of my life, the one I will spend the next ten years (and more) beside.

-I conceived a child with my wife. My soon to be first born.

I know that's not all, but those are the things that spring immediately to mind.

Not a bad life I've lived so far.

I'm looking forward to the next ten years.

It Will Always Be

2006-02-27T08:51:00.000-08:00

This seems to be a theme. Sorry but I have one last thing I need to write on this subject and then I'm done.

Saturday was moving day for my parents. A big day. A momentous day. They haven't moved in 27 years, so it felt like an event. I got there at 9 and said hello to aunts and uncles, my grandmother and my parents. They were excited and their eyes were gleaming. They looked younger, with an exuberance and a determination that was more in line with a pair of 20 year olds heading out for new adventures. How can you blame them? Moving into a new home is exciting. It's a fresh start and a clean slate to build another chapter of life. I was happy for them. I shared in their excitement and joy. I was proud of them for being brave and going after change with gusto.

I was also tired. I'd had very little sleep, three hours to be exact, since Jennifer and I had played a show that night. The show ended up being a family birthday party that lasted late into the night. But despite my tiredness, the spirit of moving day was pretty infectious. It was warm and secure. It was family pitching in to make this strange transition familiar and happy. These folks who were now moving furniture and cleaning floors were the same ones who had inhabited the old house for birthdays and graduations. Somehow, it didn't seem so bad as the house emptied bit by bit.

I got to see the new place for the first time and was impressed at the beauty of the new house. Warm, inviting and perfect for Mom and Dad. Dad has a darkroom now. Mom has a craft room and a spa bathtub. There is considerably less yard, so they don't have to spend a whole day doing it. There are big areas for family and gatherings. There's a room for babies to play in. This house holds the future and it's just about perfect. It very much felt like a place you could call home. It's a place my children can easily know as Grandpa and Grandma's house. And it made the day easier. It made the transition a little less hard.

It took about three loads to clear everything out. The last area to be cleared out of the old house was the garage. Up to that point, it wasn't so bad as most of the furniture was all stuff that Mom and Dad had bought after we moved out for college. Sure, we sat on most of it, but it wasn't the same stuff that we had played on and sat on for most of our youth. However, the garage ended up being another story. There's something about a garage that holds a lot of memories. You really don't get rid of garage stuff very often. Why throw away a tool when it works just fine? As I loaded out the garage, I began to notice things that had always been there my entire life. The tire iron with four ends on it. The benches where the skill saw would sit. My grandpa's old miter box and his Craftsman tool set that had sat in my dad's red toolbox in the same spot in the garage for years. Rakes and ladders, all of these damn things holding more memories than I thought they had. We dug out back for some things that Dad had stored for the winter. I found an old sprayer that we used to use to keep the weeds down in the yard. Just sitting back there looking unused but damn it if it didn't throw me back.

By the time the garage was emptied I was up to my neck in memories and feelings of our days in that house. Who knew a garage held so much? I had to play that night, so I knew I'd have to start getting home, but I asked Dad if he minded me taking one last walk through the house. He let me in and I promised to lock up before I left.

I walked in, closed the door behind me and took a look at the now empty living room. And I lost it. I couldn't help it or control it. I just, simply, lost it and dissolved into sorrowful tears. I had no idea that this would happen, I didn't see it coming. I thought I was doing pretty well. I felt bad about it on some level. I didn't even cry at either of my grandfather's funerals but here I was, a wreck staring at an empty house. But I kept going. I walked slowly through each room, allowing the memories to unfold in my mind. Sometimes the tears would turn to laughter as I remembered something that happened. Like the slippery spot on the kitchen floor that would always make us wipe out. I took my time and looked at each room, knowing this was the last time I would ever see these sights again. Would ever smell how that room smelled. The bathroom where I took baths and played with toys. The bedroom that my brother and I shared. The place were Justin drew his comic books and impressed me with his young art works. The spot where I watched cartoons and the places where I kissed old girlfriends.

I took a look downstairs and looked in the crawlspace where all our old possessions used to be stored. All empty with only some cartoon characters Justin had drawn on the walls a long time ago. The last reminder that the Hilden's had lived here. I found a spot down there. A spot where I had pounded nails when we were building the house. I must have been three. I did that, on whim, because it seemed fun. But it was my mark on the house. My spot. And it was time to let it all go.

I took one last tour through the home, thanking it for holding us and keeping us safe. Letting us grow to be who we are today. I walked out, locked the door and took one last look at the place I had called home. I drove away and didn't look back, preferring to hold that last image in my mind.

It was more than just a house I felt like I was letting go. It felt like I was finally letting go of that life that belongs to childhood and growing up. That, as I become a father of my own child and a husband to my perfect wife, I now build my own home. That it's time to let the old things go and fully commit to what lies ahead and allow the future to be the object of the most passion and the most love. You can't really do that with a foot in the past. Yet, it's heartbreaking to let that past part of you go. It's precious and familiar and a part of you. As necessary as it may be, it is still hard and sorrowful. In the space of one year, I will have become a husband and a father. Life has changed at a rapid pace, and I would have it no other way. But because of that, this moment of my parents moving has taken on a much greater significance in my life. It's really more than just a house, and more than just a move. At least, that's how it is for me. And I know that it is and was important for me to fully experience every moment of this, in order for me to be everything that I want to be for my own wife and child.

And I believe I did.

On that spot, the spot with the nails, I wrote a small note. I'm sure it will be covered over or taken off but I don't care. I wanted to commemorate the event somehow. So I wrote a small thing. Saying that this was home. We lived here and this was home. In my heart, it will always be.

Friday's Thoughts

2006-02-24T11:32:00.000-08:00

Home?: So, Saturday is the official "moving" day for my parents. I'm sure it will be a sweet and sorrowful moment for me. I've given my thoughts on the whole subject down below, but I'm still curious as to what genuine emotions will run through me as I help empty a place that's been my definition of "home" for all my life. I suppose this is one of those life things that help separated you from that young child you still cling to in your mind and push you further to that adult place where you thought your own parents had always been. See? It's thoughts like that I'm curious about.

Shellfest: I love Shell beer. I never even knew it existed until John had a bunch of them at his beer extravaganza this summer. I must say, I fell in love with this awesome series of brew from New Alm, Minnesota. Seems they're having a celebration complete with Ohm-Pa band. Sounds like a damn good time. Too bad I'll be moving my parents out of their house and playing a gig that night. Damn it.

Conventions and Books: So, Team Fremont is beginning to gear up for the convention season. All told, we'll be taking part in E3, the Midwest Gaming Classic and the Penny Arcade Expo. To get ready for these momentous occasions, we'll be making t-shirts and getting banners and contests set up. We're even doing some live podcasts from these locations. So, you know, the three people who attend them can yell something into the microphone and be internet famous for two seconds. Or, never. Anyway, I'd really like to have some sort of book that we can sell to folks, just to have something solid at our table. The trouble with being a website is that it's all so damn nebulous. All your stuff sits on the web and you can't ever just reach out and hold your creation. So I might make a quick book that highlights some things about the site. Or maybe a book of comics. That is, if I can stand to see my crappy 1125 artwork from issues 1-20.

Philip Seymore Hoffman: I mentioned last post about how much I'm a fan of the movie Capote and what an awesome job I think Hoffman did in it. Well, he was on Letterman a few nights ago and I was more than impressed by his interview. He's just one of those guys who kicks so much ass that he doesn't have to show it. He just is and you can take him or leave him, because he's fine no matter what you think of him. Very gracious, kind and funny. I think he may be one of my favorite actors.

30: It's approaching. I'm not really sure how I feel about that.

Final Fantasy 9: Just pulled this one out the other day. I forgot what a brilliant game this is. Glad I found it in the stacks of crap I have and decided to relive it. I think I'm gonna play through this one again, when I have time. Which is never.

Blue Pencils: I've never been one to use fancy art materials to draw. Give me a good old HB pencil and I'm good. However, due to this whole inking thing I've been on, blue pencil has been my tool of choice these days. And damn, what a good pencil it is. Col-Erase blue pencils are simply awesome to draw with. Very forgiving and it makes me feel all professional when I use it. Like my drawing are going to Ink and Paint after I'm done with them.

Have a good weekend everyone.

Capote

2006-02-21T12:55:00.000-08:00

So, Jennifer and I went to see Capote the other day. While Jennifer didn't really like it, I was struck by this quiet, interesting film that has garnered Philip Seymore Hoffman more than a few acting awards. First off, his performance is brilliant. Not like I knew Truman Capote or anything, but I've seen pictures and I knew some of his work. I also know the roles that Philip Seymore Hoffman has played and the two just didn't line up. I mean, how do you make a guy who was a greasy man who ran a phone sex outfit in Punch Drunk Love play this gay, frail looking, brilliant writer?

Well, I'm not sure how he did it, but he was excellent in the role. It's a crying shame if he doesn't get the Oscar for Best Actor after this role. I was also struck by just how quiet the movie was. It was nice to take a break from the over the top, "beat the theme into your head" type of movies that have graced the cinema as of late. What a relief to have a movie that just tells the story, with a small score in the background that plays only when absolutely necessary. The story was allowed to unfold and with moments rather than broad gestures and over acted scenes. The plot was reduced to a single idea. How a man would come to write his most famous and greatest work and how that process both changed him and led to his self destruction. I thought it was an amazing work.

If you have yet to go see this film, and you don't mind a slower movie that invites you to watch it unfold, then I highly recommend that you do.

Happy Birthday, Jennifer!

2006-02-15T11:06:00.000-08:00

The love of my life, the one who makes me laugh everyday, the one who constantly reminds me of just how good life can be, turns 28 today.

28 is a good year. 28, in fact, was the year I met Jennifer and life did a joyous back flip, never to be the same. That's very cool. I'm positive that 28 will be a fabulous year for my wife as well, full of new things and life changing experiences.

With that said, I'd like to compose a spontaneous sonnet in her honor:

Oh Jennifer, Oh Jennifer,
Your years are now one more.
Oh Jennifer, I thank you,
For not punching me when I snore.

Oh, Jennifer, Oh Jennifer,
You bring my life such joy.
Oh, Jennifer, thanks for not laughing
When my hair looks like Christopher Lloyd.

Oh, Jennifer, Oh Jennifer,
Your dances make me laugh.
Oh, Jennifer, you look so cute,
When I watch you take a nap...fffffgh.

Oh, Jennifer, Oh Jennifer,
The days with you fly by.
Thanks for understanding when I'm crank-bot,
Even when you don't know why.

Oh, Jennifer, Oh, Jennifer,
You make the world a brighter place.
Thanks for making moments better,
With a really funny face...(not your face, just the funny ones you make sometimes as a joke, you know...oh nevermind.)

Oh, Jennifer, Oh Jennifer,
Life without you would make me sad.
Your the coolest person ever,
And the best friend I've ever had.

Oh, Jennifer, Oh Jennifer,
Your 28 today.
The years you've lived were brilliant,
May they always be that way.

Wish her a happy birthday!

1043 Birch Cliff Drive

2006-02-09T09:56:00.000-08:00

So, the house in which I grew up now belongs to somebody else. Strangers, occupying the space where Cobra Commander did battle with GI Joe. Where the Transformers fought their eternal quest for Energon and where countless games of Monopoly where played.

I wonder if they'll ever find the top hat? We never did.

It's a strange feeling when your parents decide to move on and find a new place to call home. Granted, both their kids are now married and starting families of their own. The family unit, as a whole, hasn't occupied that space in quite some time. The house just looks different than when we all lived there. So much so, that it's hard to see it as the same house in which I grew up. Yet, underneath the cosmetics and on some spiritual level, the house is tightly bound to us. I keep imagining the ghosts of our younger selves running around with cardboard swords and doodling imaginative creations on computer paper. I see the forts that we built and the celebrations we had as living memories. Still carrying on in some fashion, long after they ended.

We had birthdays in that house. We had fights in that house. We laughed and appreciated life in that house. My room was my sanctuary when I hated living with my parents. My room was a laboratory where I experimented with improvisation and jazz music. We had dinner almost every night together and we kept up with each other's lives as we ate. All in that house. My parents built that house and we were the only people to occupy it for over twenty five years. Our lives and memories fill that house and make it live and breathe. Our hands marked the walls, our feet wore in the carpet. Our stuff filled the basement and the closets. We gave it life and warmth and a personality. We took an empty shell of wood and dry wall and made it a home. We did that.

And now, it is passed on to someone else. The keys are handed over to strangers so they can create their home and fill it with a whole new set of memories. But I have this idea. This strange supernatural idea that they'll be unable to get rid of our mark completely. That, somehow, who we are as a family will be ingrained in the wood and in the foundation. I still imagine that the ghosts of two boys running around with GI Joe figures and cardboard tube swords will still be found in that white house with black shutters.

It's not true, I know. But I hope those strangers who occupy my old home will appreciate it. I hope they fill it with love and realize that it's more than just an address on a purchase agreement. I hope they notice that it's more than just a chance to build more equity and "step up" in the real estate world. Once the paperwork settles and the loans have gone through and all respective parties have their slice of the pie, I hope the new owners sit. Sit and appreciate this house that housed a family as they built a lifetime of memories.

Finished Product

2006-02-07T18:56:00.000-08:00

It didn't turn out as cool as I would have liked, but not too bad for the first go around. I like the third panel best. More to come.

New and Mostly Improved

2006-02-07T09:22:00.000-08:00

So, here is the first ever hand inked 1125 Fremont comic which is going to go up in the next day or so. I thought I'd document the occasion by posting the ink only version of the comic here. While not as good as I know it will someday be, it's a nice step in the right direction. After all, this is the first time I've ever inked these characters by hand. Everything else, up to this point, has been on computer. So, not too bad.

I'm also working on another comic, to be posted later on this year, called Stone Nowhere. It depicts the infamous rock band that plays the Team Fremont Live theme song. Highly fictionalized, of course. This comic is going to be black and white only and is one of the real reasons why I started exploring my inking technique. Seems that this may work out after all. I'm sure I'll post up some of my prelimiary work on this comic as I get moving.

I'll also link the real comic, once it goes up on the site.

Copper

2006-02-01T09:23:00.000-08:00

I don't know why but Wednesday's have always made me contemplative. Ok, not really. These just happen to fall on the middle of the week.

This is one of my favorite comics on the web. I've taken a vested interest in the world of webcomics in the past two years or so. Up until then, I didn't even know there was a world of comics on the web. Now, I've got about 25-30 that I read just about everyday. They're all so varied and interesting. Some have horrible art, but make me laugh every day. Some blow my mind with the quality of their artistic offerings.

Copper is one of those. Once a month, Kazu Kibuishi has managed to make a touching, interesting and beautiful comic about a boy and his dog. I've admired his work for two years and every issue has me saying "How in the HELL does he do that?" Well, as it turns out, I'm not the only one who asked that question. And as a response to our outcry, he has put up a tutorial on just how he makes a Copper comic. And it sent me into a surge of inspired motion. Like everything I get excited about, I had to imitate it. So I raced out to our art supply stores and got myself some large 18x24 Bristol and the blue pencil he works with. And I also got...ink. Not just a pen, but the whole real deal. I got the quill pen with the Hunt 102 tip. I got the bottle of India Ink. Shudder.

See, I've been afraid of ink since as far back as my artistic memory will go. My first real experience with it was "inking" some cells that I had gotten from my dad. I think it was just some cheap transparency stuff, but I thought it was big time. And I was going to ink and paint my art just like the animated pros did. Well, call it fate, call it bad ink pens, call it no technique but the experience was awful. The art looked horrible. It threw every imperfection I had into stark relief. It was as if the ink called out to tell me just how bad I was and how the pencil had been hiding it from me all this time. I tried inking a few comics I had created with limited success and about that time, threw the whole idea of working in ink away.

As I entered the world of webcomics myself a few years ago, at the behest of others at GamingWorldX.com, I had to find a way to make ink a part of my reality. I cheated. There was no way I was going to go through that whole thing again, especially since I was nervous about the state of my artwork as it is. I needed confidence, not reality. So I figured out how to do the inking on the computer. I found programs that would aid my sloppy technique and it's worked for me. I enjoy it now, mostly because it's relatively painless.

But I'd always look at a comic like Copper and think: This guy's doing it for real. So, being all inspired by Kazu, I decided it was time to be brave and give it a shot. So I bought the ink and the pen and the paper. I sketched out some ideas I had, and got down to it. And, damn it all, if I don't love it.

I'm not good. To be honest, I'm terrible at it. But the feel of the pen and ink just feels good. Like I'll get it if I try long enough. The wall seems to have a crack in it and I'm starting to get my hand through it and the other side looks very, very cool. One of the things I hated most about digital inking is that the lines always seemed to steal the heart and soul of my pencils. Not that I'm incredible, but there seems to be a life to the pencil drawings that goes away. Like someone put a veil over my characters and turned them into plastic figures. But last night, the inkwork looked like...well, an ink version of my pencils. It was rough and a little smudgy yet I could recognize the art as being mine. As having the same feel and character as my pencil work. How exciting. I'm looking forward to practicing now and getting better at it. You have to love it when you grow. You have to just love it when someone gives you the inspiration to push out into territory you didn't think you could travel. So, thanks Mr. Kazu Kibuishi, for all the help.

I'll post some of my work up here as I learn and get better. In the meantime, if you can, go check out Copper and marvel at his fantastic work.

Just Your Average, Run of the Mill Wednesday. The Calendar's Full of 'Em.

2006-01-18T06:42:00.000-08:00

Some thoughts for a Wednesday:

Lost: I have never marked the days of the week by the shows that were on since Seinfeld graced the airwaves. Even then, I was in college so it took my roommates to remind me when it was on. However, Jennifer and I started buying the first season of Lost via iTunes and we got hooked. This is nothing new. We've been watching TV series since our third or fourth week together. But what's so neat about this one is that it's on network TV. That'd be a first. It's an awesome show and hard to believe it's written so well and looks so good. Reminds me of HBO shows. The new episode is on tonight and our Wednesday nights are starting to be set aside specifically for watching this show.

Golden Globes: Am I the only one that thinks these things don't mean anything? Am I the only one that thinks people are making way too big a deal over these awards? I mean, it should take more than being a barometer for the Academy Awards to warrant such hype. Ah, whatever. More power to them. At least Lost won for best TV Drama.

Winter Olympics: So, these are coming back on again. NBC will be completely revamped into a poor man's ESPN until it's all over. I've always liked the winter version better than the summer, for whatever the reason. Something about the extreme nature of most of these events makes it more entertaining I guess. And it transports me to four years ago when that really cute Canadian figure skater was on. I was smitten by her cute triple axle and tears when she got robbed of the gold medal by that French judge. I think I actually contemplated going to Utah to see the sports at one time. How silly.

Bach: I found a collection of Bach works that were transcribed for saxophone. I've always loved Bach and the power of his music. We had a movement from the Bach Cello Suite #1 played at our wedding, mostly at my request. But the power and beauty of the music just sends my soul to a higher, more resonant place. It's just powerful. Somehow, as fun as it is to listen, it's even more edifying to play it. The power of the music just seeps into your inner being and I have to say it's as close to hearing God's voice as I can get. I remember being a senior in college and playing a Bach transcription for band. At the time, I found it uninteresting and mechanical. We had this conductor who, realizing we were all playing it that way, began to explain the nature of the music. He informed us that this was Bach's sacred music. Music he wrote to God as a form of worship and adoration. He explained that Bach wrote his most powerful works as acts of devotion and that in order to grasp the true meaning and translate it to our audience, we had to play it as such. When we played it again, the power of the music was made real to me. Never had I made music such a powerful act of worship through my instrument. It was quite the life changing experience and playing Bach always reminds me of that moment.

Dr. Fred Returns

2006-01-02T09:56:00.000-08:00

At long last...it has been returned to me.

Maniac Mansion is mine once again.

After much longing and suffering without the presence of this great game, I have been reunited.

Okay. Not really. I forgot I even loaned this one out. But Dave from the fabulous Daily Dave reminded me that he still had this old NES game from a million years ago. I think I beat this one back in college after spending far too much time with it. I'll have to play this one again for old time sake. But I remember loving point and click games such as this and it makes me want to check out the sequel to this classic. I believe it's called Day of the Tentacle and I'm not sure if it was any good or not. I'm sure someone has it emulated out there on the net.

Huzzah! Returned at last! Thanks Dave.

Married!

2005-12-01T10:56:00.000-08:00

Okay, I know that everyone who reads this already knows but I'll say it anyway. I'm married!

The wedding was great and went off with only a few hitches that don't really matter. All my friends and family were there and it was a wonderful night of celebration for us. Some of my favorite moments were looking around during the reception and seeing so many of Jennifer and my families talking and laughing together. So many of them already knew each other before our relationship came into being. It was such a good feeling to see these families reconnecting and coming together on that night.

Also, having all the familes singing together during the wedding was just a very moving thing. There is something about a group of people singing together that has always moved me. To have it be your friends and family singing together makes it even more special.

My thanks to all the family and friends who helped make our day so very, very special.

On a side note, how cool it is to come home to a house all clean and put together. My new mother-in-law got a posse together and cleaned and organized our place for us while we were gone. How awesome! Our place was never fully put together since we moved in and was a source of sorrow for us while we were preparing for the wedding. Now, it's a home and I'm thrilled! Thanks to Colleen, Sophie and Emily for making that happen for us!

I'll have some pictures of the wedding up for you as soon as I get them. Some folks have been good enough to show me their pictures they took. I look happy and Jennifer looks beautiful. Simple as that.

Life is good.

Engagement

2005-11-14T22:55:00.000-08:00

Here are some pre-wedding pics of Jennifer and I. Our photographer is a very hip man named Steve Allen. He's a genius.

Rock Pays Off

2005-11-13T14:06:00.000-08:00

So, some good news as far as website stuff goes.

Moe did a review of Guitar Hero a week or so ago for Team Fremont and we followed it up with a review on the TFL podcast. I guess it caught the attention of the folks that make GH, Harmonix. On their main page of the Guitar Hero website, they have a quote from our review. So, there we are right along side G4 TV, EGM, IGN, Penny Arcade etc. Pretty neat.

And to make it all even better, it seems that someone from the company listened to the podcasts. He emailed us at the TFL address and asked where he could send some free stuff for us being so nice and raving about the game.

It's a great step for us and finally, after a year, we're getting our name out there a little more. Here's hoping we can continue to do more of this and really make some things happen. Who knows? We could get lucky.

You can check out the whole thing here

Forgot to Mention

2005-11-11T09:25:00.000-08:00

Didn't mean to leave you in the dark (like you've been waiting for a follow up). I got a brand spanking new phone. After my rageful episode with T-Mobile, I got a new Motorola Razor. First new phone in 5 years, so it's a lot to take in.

Oooooo..shiny.

Marriage

2005-11-10T09:27:00.000-08:00

So..I'm getting married. Wow. I saw Jennifer's name on our wedding license and freaked out. It was so real...so legal..and so cool. I now have another person with me that will share my name. Jennifer Hilden. Sort of makes a guy feel all adult.

Wait...I don't even know what that means?

Anyway, it's been crazy getting things ready, but it's almost here. I'm excited. In honor of that, I created a comic for the Team Fremont site. It won't go up there until Saturday, but I'll post it here just for fun.

More later.

Video Solace

2005-10-19T23:34:00.000-07:00

So, it's been a very crappy week. The Chippewa Falls Marching Band met with a serious tragedy over the weekend and it's sent all of us into a tail spin. It's just too hard to imagine that one of your own could go down doing what we've all done a thousand times. I can't tell you how many times the HHS band bus has pulled in at 2 in the morning. Or left. Why we made it and the Cardinals didn't, I couldn't begin to answer.

So, we've got G's funeral tomorrow and with it a way to come to terms with this terrible thing that should stay on television or the movies where it belongs. I may not have known G in any close way, but it feels good to be able to pay my own respects to a man who influenced a community so much.

As a brighter spot to my day, Jennifer went and bought herself a new video iPod. That means I also have access to a video iPod and it's simply a fantastic device. We've downloaded a couple episodes of Lost and the resolution and display are incredible. I thought my PSP screen looked good, resolution wise, but this little screen packs a mean punch. And there is something super cool about being able to grab a TV show right off the internet and watch it on a little thing that fits in the palm of you hand.

Ah, technology. Anyway, sinking into the land of the Mac always makes me feel a little bit better.

$#@!@! T-Mobile!!!!

2005-10-04T16:35:00.000-07:00

Okay, I know I haven't posted anything in awhile and I wanted my latest post to be a nice one. But these T-Mobile "people" are jacking me!

JACKING ME!

I ordered a new cell phone. Now, let's be absolutly clear on this point. I haven't had a new phone in the five years I've been a T-Mobile customer. I'm one of the most loyal customers they are ever going to have. Never asked for an upgrade, never pested them. Never tried to take money. I was happy when they got Catherine Zeta Jones. No offence to Jamie Lee Curtis.

But now, it appears I'm getting tossed around by these nit wits over a phone that was supposed to be in my hands "no later than October 2nd". Yeah, that was a few days ago. And I've already waited since the 22 of September for this damn thing.

So now, I find after my fiancee calls customer service (becuase I'm in no mood to deal with them at all) that the phone never actually shipped and, wait for it......there is actually no record of me having purchased the phone at all.

Let's also flash back to last night, were I called a T-Mobile customer service douche bag and asked them where my phone was. The guy tracked a package (that never existed obviously) and said it would be here no later than today.

I'm about ready to explode at this point and I'm seriously ready to become a Cingular wireless customer.

I hear they have a new iTunes phone that looks promising.

Sketches and Knockouts

2005-09-22T10:52:00.000-07:00

So, my copy of Sketchbook Pro arrived the other day. The UPS guy showed up right as I was walking in the door. Since I was feeling that Sketchbook and I were simpatico in that moment, I fired it up and let the hand fly. Out came this guy:

I'll call him Joe. Not sure what inspired him but I'll take it. I also had a project that required a complicated knockout of a photograph. Being that my meagre Photoshop mask building skills were simply not up to the task, I purchased the Corell Knockout plug-in for PS. It works pretty darn well. You still have to finess it quite a bit, but the fact that you have some tools to aid that process makes it that much easier. I found myself looking for crazy images to pull stuff out of and then recombine it in some silly way. Maybe I'll post some of that stuff. It seems like a waste of time, but it ended up being good practice.

Still not as good as Justin, however, who posted a great piece about leaves over at the Slug Blog

Sketch Dump

2005-09-21T10:23:00.000-07:00

So, things have slowed down a little on the home front, so I thought I'd share some more sketches.

So, my fiancee' does this 'voice'. Okay, she does a lot of voices, but this one in particular is hilariously funny. It's of this little girl with an odd way of speaking. But it's cute and funny. We were thinking it would be a kick to get some sort of animated character worked up to go along with this voice, and this is my attempt at a rough idea. I'm no good at drawing little girls, so this one is a very rough draft.

Oh, and I just started sketching some robot guy that ended up looking like something I've seen in a comic book before. You know, the little robot with a heart type character? Yeah, that's what it ended up being.

This one was just some fun I was having with character designs. I was just experiementing and it ended up looking like some promo poster for bad anime.
Maybe I'll have a new cartoon with a crazy name and make millions. It seems the worse the art is, these days, the more it sells.

That's all I have for today. Maybe I'll have more to come, if my personal copy of Sketchbook Pro would ever get here. My free trial only has four more days on it. Curse the mail!

It Takes Two

2005-09-19T09:21:00.000-07:00

So, I gave the IKEA thing another go and got to the point of complete frustration with it and stopped. As soon as Jennifer got home we gave it another go and managed to wrestle it into the bedroom. Much to my surprise, I think it might actually work out.

The whole operation has been one of bumped heads, scraped hands, things falling down and messes in general. It's just not been a fun time when you're imitating a Stooges episode. But, even through that madness, it's nice to have a gal who is willing to go down the road with you. And maybe just help you realize you need to laugh about it a bit more. Life certainly has gotten better with her in it.

Sap, I know. But it's my blog so I'm allowed.

I took the day off in an effort to focus in and get our place in order. My mission is to make this place livable in the space of about 8 hours. We'll see how we do. I've got more sketches to post up for you, but until then I'm off to start the next scene in my Stooges episode.

*Insert Favorite Stooges Quote Here*

Not Even IKEA

2005-09-18T18:03:00.000-07:00

Not even a home furnishings store that specializes in small places can work with our apartment. It seems that the tiny closet we call a bedroom is proving to be more than a match for our new PAX wardrobe.

I guess I should have guessed that moving something overly large into a small room for the purpose of making that room more comfortable was a silly idea. Yet, with their fancy lighting and good Norwegian atmosphere, I was fooled. Damn your Scandinavian shenanigans! Damn them!

Needless to say, I'll keep trying to make the thing work, but for crying out loud. This is getting silly. Why not just admit our place is too small and be done with it? I'd much rather just fess up and deal with living in a small place than think I can change it into something bigger.

Or maybe it's just time to admit I need a house in the burbs.

*shudder*

Maybe I'll give the wardrobe another go.

See you tomorrow.

On Innovation

2005-09-16T09:33:00.000-07:00

I was on a road trip with my fiancee', Jennifer, awhile back and she commented on how sad it was that things all over the world seem to be the same. It's like some template was enforced on the human race and we just follow the same cycle of things. We're all trying to lose weight, we all eat at the same fast food places, all the advertisements look identical and we can all find a Wal-Mart that looks like every other Wal-Mart in existance.

For some reason this level of homogeny exists while at the same time we rally around the cause of freedom and individual expression. It's a fact I find amusing. Amusing and true, I might add.

So, yesterday, the great folks at Nintendo Entertainment in Japan unveiled a controller for their new gaming system which is set to debut sometime in 2006. You can find more specifics on the whole thing over at Team Fremont, but I will tell you that I find it exciting.

See, this crazy contraption has some sort of motion sensor in it that interacts with different games. You can hold it like a paper airlplane and fly your onscreen plane. You can use it like a laser pointer and target objects. You can rotate it with your wrist to control the angle of deflection on your hockey stick. It's completely different than any other controller that exists.
And that's exciting. Exciting because it actually breaks from the norm and took some risk.

I'm tired of the same thing. I've come to realize it's the people and the things that take risks to grow and change that appeal to me most. Those folks who decide that the present isn't good enough and that going the extra mile, despite the cost, is worth all the trial and tribulation make me happy to be alive. My brother and his wife moving to LA to pursue a dream makes me happy. My fiancee going to Baton Rouge to make a difference in the lives of people she never met makes me proud to live. They didn't have to do that. They could have remained safe and happy but instead took the more dangerous, more creative route. And now a company with the history and money of Nintendo deciding to forego what the others are doing just to be a creative force in the industry.

Now that's gutsy stuff. I wish we had a world full of these creative folks who want to shake the foundations of the world with their new ideas, no matter how outlandish or silly. And it motivates me to be one of them.

Ah, who am I kidding. I just want Apple to make me a Tablet Mac.

Every Dog Has His Blog

2005-09-15T14:27:00.000-07:00

So, it looks like I'm gonna give this a try. Even though I feel completly silly posting things I know no one will ever read or see.

Ah, well. I have a website no one sees or reads, so what's one more, eh?

I'll be using this as a dumping ground for sketches that I do and some other random thoughts thrown in.

So, here's the first bit:

This one's a bit of scribble technique I was trying. I remember reading about this idea in the How to Draw Comics the Marvel way and thinking it was the most daft idea I'd ever heard.

Now that I try it, I kind of like the freedom you can get. This image had a bit more character in it then I ever thought it would and it let me find a pose I liked.

This other one is a sketch I did for the next issue of 1125 Fremont, the comic I draw at our website, Team Fremont.com

Anyway, I did these sketches using Sketchbook Pro 2 on a Tablet PC and I find it's a nice little tool to use when I'm feeling the need for some free sketches with a loose feel. Helps develop some ideas for me. Anyway, that's all I've got.

More to come.

Testing

2005-09-15T11:29:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure how this works exactly, as I'm not a blogger. However that's about to change, so here I go.