Look At That Face

We took Rowan in for her sixth month check up yesterday. I realized something very cool as we sat there for an eternity and waited for the doctor to show up.

For the first time I feel like a "Dad". I own the title, I love the title and I feel it's reality and validity in my very bones. And it only happened when this little girl started to smile when I walked into the room. It's only when she started to say "dadadadada" when I held her and when she falls alseep in my arms because she knows it's safe that I really earned the title.

The name of "Dad" is given to you when your wife gets pregnant but I never felt like I deserved it. I got Father's Day presents and I didn't know how I felt about them. I read countless pages (actually there are only ten pages in the known world, but whatever) that had the words "For Fathers" on them but I never really related to the term.

But when Rowan started to recognize me as someone special, when she put me into some category of safety and comfort in her mind, then it's mine. She gave me the title and only then, at least for me, was it real.